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The truth about Torres… an alternate history…

Posted February 04, 2011 - By
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The drive home from Blackburn was a quiet one on the team bus the night of January the 5th 2011. A goal from Olsson and a Benjani brace consigned Liverpool to their 9th loss of the season leaving them closer to the relegation zone than the top half of the table.

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A forlorn figure...

Despite finishing a disappointing 7th in 2010, Liverpool’s form going into the new season was a long way from the team that were 4 points off winning the league in the ‘08 /’09 season. That year we were clearly the best team on our day with just 2 losses, scoring over 100 goals (the most of any team) and finishing with a plus 50 goal difference.

Torres was sat at the back of the bus in disbelief, Stevie was on his left reading My Liverpool Years: Then and Now and Babel was sat on his right listening to hip hop while simultaneously tweeting in Dutch.

What had happened to the club he joined in the summer of ’07 as their record signing? The answer was simple; debt, lies and cowboys had turned a Champions League power house, title contender and consistent top 4 team into relegation candidates in the time it takes Gary Neville to run the length of the pitch (didn’t he retire 5 years ago?!?!). Promises of transfer funds and a new stadium failed to come to fruition and the club Fernando wanted to see out his career at was on a downward spiral. Sure, the new owners knew what they were doing, but they didn’t have the resources of a Russian oil tycoon or a Sheik. They didn’t have the cash to re-build with the necessary speed to ensure Liverpool weren’t doomed to finish mid table, season after season, like the Tottenham of the late 90’s. The legacy of Gillette and Hicks was all too apparent in the inept manager brought in to “steady the ship” who decided to set his team up to play like Fulham which resulted in similar results… the ship was sinking (no disrespect to Fulham intended – I was at Craven Cottage v West Brom this year and you were magnificent).

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Rub those cheeks Roy... that'll help!

Then suddenly, Torres had a “Eureka” moment!

…I’ll get Abramovich to buy me! he thought. Then we’ll have the funds to buy the quality these great fans deserve!
He leaned over to Stevie and whispered in his ear:

“How much I am worth?”…

“Ya whah” Stevie replied.

“You know, how much could Liverpool get for me in the transfer window?”…

“I dunno la, what’s in your contract?”…

Ding! On went the second light above his head for the night.

“I’m worth 50 million pounds!” he exclaimed.

Stevie was bemused and Ryan’s ears perked up, “meh smh” he tweeted.

“I’m going to hand in a transfer request in this transfer window” Torres told Stevie.

“Why knobhead?”

“So Liverpool have the funds to strenghten the squad.”

“Who’ll buy you? You’re always injured.”

“Chelsea will. Ancelotti was tapping me up through Guillem Balague in South Africa. They really like me cos I always score against them”

“You’re nuts la, too much Sangria… you hate Chelsea, they have no real fans, they give out plastic flags, they’re called the pensioners because their players are all 30 plus and John Terry will try to *expletive* your wife.”

“My wife wouldn’t touch that filthy chav

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, she has too much class”.

“What about our fans? They adore you, you’ve got the best song in football for *expletives* sake!”

Torres shed and tear and said in a quieter tone “this is for those fans… they deserve better than this, I can give them more by selling my soul than I can give them by staying…”

With that Stevie thought no more of it a went back to his book after uttering “my God mate, you Spanish truly are loco”

“Don’t worry” Torres said to himself, “every time I score a goal at the Bridge I’ll close my eyes and imagine the Kop is staring down at me, singing the Torres bounce at the top of their lungs…”

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Fernando doesn't look too happy with the move here...

It wasn’t until Hodgson was sacked and King Kenny was brought in that Torres and the team started performing again. He knew then that the money received from his sale would be put to good use. On Friday the 28th of January, after initial interest from Chelsea, Torres submitted a written transfer request putting into effect a whirlwind of events that left Liverpool with 2 top strikers (you know who), half of Charlie Adam (Damn you Holloway!) and Chelsea with a die hard Red*…

Or not… love him or loath him, believe what you want.  I’ll leave you with his latest comments

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on the treachery:

“I only have good things to say about Liverpool people,” said Torres. “They made me feel really good there for three-and-a-half fantastic seasons. I understand they will be angry and will not understand my decision. Maybe in a few days or weeks I will explain all the reasons. When I was an Atletico Madrid fan growing up, I couldn’t understand it when a big player left. But with time I could understand they did the best for themselves, their families and their careers. I’m not asking them to understand me but I’m sure over time they will see what I did there.”

When asked if he would celebrate a goal against his former club, Torres said: “First I have to play, and then I have to score but I have big respect for Liverpool fans so I don’t think I will.”

At the end of the day, like King Kenny said; no one player is bigger than Liverpool FC.

Who wants a player that doesn’t want to play for the greatest club and supporters in the World? Not me.

Kenny Dalglish, John Henry and Tom Werner have shown that the team comes first and I for one can’t wait to see Suarez and Carroll up front together banging in goals for fun…

Long Live Liverpool and Long Live the King!

YNWA

*Maybe. Watch out for him making this same gesture if he scores against the scum… then we’ll know for sure…

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"We won it 5 times"

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3 Comments

  • Jenny February 04, 2011

    Well written Bryn!

    Reply
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  • Gary February 06, 2011

    Like it and nicely written. Torres was not performing at his best and understand he had been told so by Carra.

    Reply
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  • McrRed February 07, 2011

    Expletive brilliant!

    Reply
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